Verses on the 65th Birthday of Peter D Lowe, Esq. (May 12, 1990)
"You are old Father Peter", his family purred,
"And your bus pass is shiny and new,
"So we'd like to be certain that you're well insured,
And your will is right up to date too."
"Though I'm sure it won't please you to hear," said their Dad,
"I can say, without any regrets,
"That I've spent far more money than I've ever had:
"So you'll only inherit my debts."
"You are old, Father Pete," said his children with mirth
"And you've never been much of a rover
"Yet you recently travelled half way round the earth:
"Why start now, when your youth is well over?"
"In the war," the old hero responded with glee
"I shelled the Far East for a bet;
"So I thought it was time that I went back to see
"If they've finished repairing it yet."
"You are old, Father Pete, and we feel we must add
"That you've never been noted for taste
"But now you buy trendy new outfits like mad:
"Don't you think that's a bit of a waste?"
"Years ago," he explained, "it was never much fun
"Buying clothes which were soon out of date
"But now I'm encouraged by my eldest son
"Next to whom an old sack would look great."
"You are old Father Peter," his offspring all cried,
"And your gut keeps increasing in size
"But there's hardly a foodstuff that you haven't tried
"Do you think, at your age, this is wise?"
"In my youth," Father Peter replied with a sigh,
"Nowt exotic would get past my lips
"Now I've sampled Italian, Chinese and Thai
"But I still prefer sausage and chips"
"You are old Father Pete," said the family Lowe
"And it's time you were settling down
"Yet you're out on the golf course come sun, rain or snow
"And at night you go out on the town!"
"In the past, when I watched the tv from my chair,
"You complained that my sloth was a sin.
"Now I'm active, you're whinging that I'm never there -
"It would seem that I can't bloody win!"
"You are old Father Pete, if you see what we mean,
"And your hair grows increasingly grey
"Yet you chase after girls like a lad of sixteen:
"Why on earth are you acting this way?"
"In your youth," the old bugger replied to his brood,
"You showed very little respect;
"But your questions today are exceedingly rude:
"Now sod off, or I'll break all your necks!"
(9/5/90 - with apologies to Lewis Carroll)