The Fountainbridge Fire Disaster, 2013

by Dai Topaz McLowe

Oh hearken to my tale of Woodstock Taylor,
Whose life could never be described as a failure,
But who suffered a shock that could scarce have been larger,
All caused by a mobile telephone charger.
She had sung with the great, she had interviewed stars,
From big concert halls down to wee shady bars.
Her voice was a legend in Edinburgh town,
At the Fringe and in venues for many miles around.
But she suffered a shock that could scarce have been larger,
All caused by a mobile telephone charger.

‘Twas in the February of Twenty-Thirteen —
Near as cold such a month as ever was seen —
That young Woody discovered a new way of heating
Her flat, that would certainly take some beating.
She little knew that such a wee plug could fuse
And cause her all of her possessions to lose.
When from her living room she could smell burning,
Straightway to that room her bare feet she was turning.
She could scarcely believe, when the flaming charger she saw
For she had only plugged it in but seconds before!
She leapt into action with no hesitation
Trying to smother the terrifying conflagration.
But she was too late and her blanket too small
To have much effect on the inferno at all,
And the terrible smoke forced her to retreat,
Barefoot and choking out into the street.

To Fountainbridge District the firemen soon came
And fought to put an end to the smoke and the flame,
While an ambulance took her and some of her neighbours
Who were choking and spluttering and croaking, “Please save us!”
So let us give thanks that nobody died
Though Ms Taylor’s possessions were almost totally fried.
Much of her music and all of her instruments
(As often may happen in such tragic incidents)
And all of her clothes she was fated to lose
Except those she stood up in, which included no shoes!

Her friends rallied round, as good friends all should,
That from this great sorrow might come something good.
They took a collection via an internet site
And offered to help in any various ways that they might;
Arranged benefit concerts, and all those who saw
Agreed Sir Bob Geldof himself could scarce have done more.
Though naught could replace all the music and writing
Great inspiration might come from all those good people uniting
So from this learn the lesson that folks can be nice
And for your own safety heed this piece of advice:
Take great care, and if you would sleep soundly and tight,
Don’t leave any of your shit charging, plugged in overnight!

28/2/2013