red light blues

I was sitting at home feeling full of self-pity
So I took a short plane ride to Amsterdam city
To find lots of young lassies so sweet and so pretty,
so fair both of figure and face

They were waving their breasts in my general direction
And doing their best to give me an erection —
But turned out to be blokes upon closer inspection —
Something tells me I'm in the wrong place!

When down these dark alleys a young fellow goes, he
Finds loads of strange windows with glows that are rosy;
But, not wishing to peer in too close or seem nosey,
How is he to tell which are men?

Those give-away signs, how come I didn't spot 'em?
Those bulges they have where real ladies ain't got 'em?
But now that I've had a few stuffed up my bottom —
Why, I think I might go there again!
(April 2004)

This is of course not remotely true as I went with my Celestial Nymph