MUMMY! I want to go HOME!

I don't suppose the ART GALLERY is any better?

Maybe I'm TOO OLD for this POETRY after all

still working on this one too

but it'll be dead good!

"Help" the little horrors with their A-B-C

Bore them to sleep with a STORY

Or here's a poem to be going on with

The Story of Myrtle Mouse (a silly poem for silly people)

Dai Lowe, 1971(!)

Myrtle Mouse lived in a hole
With Freddy Frog and Monty Mole
They had a party once a week
Played blind-man's-buff and hide-and-seek
Their friends came in from far and near
To eat their cakes and drink their beer

One morning Myrtle woke and said
"I don't feel well: I'll stay in bed
"That is, if you two boys don't mind."
"Of course we don't," they said. "You're kind,"
Said Myrtle. "Now I YAKABOO!
"Oh dear I've caught the Gobbledegoo."
She seemed quite warm and getting hotter.
Fred went for Doctor Water Otter,
While Monty stayed with Myrtle, who
Yelled "Itchy dingle dangle doo"
And "Indy pindy pondy poo!"
As mice who catch this illness do.
Then Fred came in: "The Doctor's here."
The Doctor said, "Well now, my dear,
"Tell me, what seems to be the trouble?"
Said Myrtle, "I Hoy! Gubble-gubble!
"I'm feeling tired and rather hot
"And piggy-poggy-loggy-mott!"
Fred said, "We've kept her warm in bed,
"But her knees are turning purplish-red."
The water otter (funny geezer)
Said, "Give her lots and lots of cheese; her
"Favourite sort I think that's Cheshire
"That should be good for her blood-pressure.
"To stop her knees from turning puce
"Give her lots of lemon juice.
"She'll pick up in a week or so.
"Now, Im afraid, I have to go."

And so the days went by. The boys
Got used to Mytle's weird noise.
They knew they wouldn't catch it too
For only mice get Gobbledegoo
So Myrtle lay and shouted "Whee!
They gave her lots of Cheshire cheese
And lemon juice, to help her knees.

One night, as Monty drank his soup,
He heard poor Myrtle cry out "Bloop!
"Hoppy-oppy-oppy HOI!!"
She yelled like this for hours, while Fred
And Monty sat beside her bed
But in the morning she seemed brighter;
Not so hot, her knees much lighter.

The boys were sensible: they made
Quite sure that little Myrtle stayed
Tucked up in bed a few days longer
Until she felt a good deal stronger.

With Myrtle feeling hale and hearty
The boys arranged a super party,
With lots of food for every one
And wine and sherry by the tun.
Their list of shopping written down
The two prepared to leave for town
But, just as they were setting out,
They heard their little mouse-friend shout,
"Boys! While shopping, if you please,
"NO lemon juice or Cheshire cheese!"

What AM I doing here?

Pssst, effendi ...
... not very dirty PICTURES?

Look up POETASTER in your Funk & Wagnall's