Lucidity Books

Red Light Blues

I was sitting at home feeling full of self-pity
So I took a short plane ride to Amsterdam city
To find lots of young ladies so sweet and so pretty,
So charming of figure and face

They were doing their best to give me an erection
By waving their breasts in my general direction
But turned out to be blokes upon closer inspection
Something tells me I'm in the wrong place!

When down these dark alleys a young fellow goes, he
Finds many strange windows with glows that are rosy;
But, not wishing to peer in too close or seem nosey,
How is he to know which are men?

Those give-away signs, how come I didn't spot 'em?
Those bulges they have where real ladies ain't got 'em?
But now that I've had a few stuck up my bottom
Why, I think I might go there again!

Two five-star reviews on AmazonUK (from total strangers, at that)
and available from there or direct from Lucidity Books (see below)
for a mere fiver (plus p&p).

It's even available for electronic readers: what more could you want??

Yes, you've reached the (self-) publishing venture for Lucidity Ltd (making books clear ).

And we are proud to announce the publication of ISBN 978-0-9929024-0-7,
Parodies Lost, a collection of over thirty comic verses out now!

And here's how to obtain your copy for only five British Pounds (plus postage & packing).

Simply log on to PayPal and send the required amount via your PayPal account
(or debit or credit card, if you don't want to join PayPal fully).

Tell PayPal to pay me at,
and make sure to supply your name and address, so I know where to send the book, when PP tells me I've received a payment from you.

Prices (inc P&P) as follows ...
1st class UK mail
2nd class
UK Signed-for
Mainland Europe
North America
e-Reader (see below)

2016 Calendar


Want more than one copy? Who can blame you? Perfect presents and stocking fillers for the discerning gift-giver.

Or maybe you live in darkest Cumbeslobodia and need to know about postage or want it sent in a jiffy-bag or by recorded delivery? You're just being awkward now, aren't you?

But we can sort you out. Send me an email, and we'll discuss options and prices.

Of course if you live in Edinburgh, we may be able to get a copy to you without troubling Royal Mail at all. And, who knows, shops and online sellers may soon be stocking it too (and taking their well-deserved cut). Mail me and/or keep an eye on this site. And ask about mates rates if we've ever been drinking together or exchanged bodily fluids or other intimacies!

Are you too cool for paper? e-reader versions now available!
Yes, though the pics may not look so good, and the layout is never ideal for verse, we can email you a file for your Kindle, Sony, Kobo or Nook, for half the price of the print version. Just e-mail us, tell us what machine you use, and we'll mail the file as soon as we have our hands on your cash.

And watch out for more titles coming from the Lucidity presses!
We're working on the memoirs of a salty sea dog of the Nineteenth Century,
and The Billy-No-Mates Cookbook (recipes for the lonely to sob into on a modest budget")
which may even be available as a tablet app!

We're nowt if not modern, us!